


more than a hero, less than a victor

by poppycurls



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Minor Swearing, One Shot, Post Tartarus, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, trials of apollo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-11
Updated: 2015-12-11
Packaged: 2018-05-06 04:16:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5402657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poppycurls/pseuds/poppycurls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When they fell, they fell together. Now when he falls, he falls alone. </p><p>Basically a complaint about the Trials of Apollo sneak peak - that Percy's character development is just getting weaker and weaker, and that Uncle Rick's writing is falling a little flat .... I don't know what to think. I thought it was good and I don't know I just wanted to write. So, have a fix-it anyway. POV Percy after Apollo leaves. Apollo and Sally are only mentioned. </p><p>Percy's suffering, and his life is as far from normal as ever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	more than a hero, less than a victor

**Author's Note:**

> A present for @bananannabeth because her and @lililibird talking about Percy with ACTUAL CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT and PERSONALITY and mental health issues from Tartarus got me thinking. Also because bananannabeth is my role model for writing and basically life. (I'm so nervous they won't see this GAH) And yes I wrote fanfic for a book that has not come out yet - fight me. 
> 
> Anyway thanks for reading and I love you and criticism is my friend and who better to write an angsty 16 year old than an angsty 16 year old amiright

“I can’t deal with this kind of shit right now,” Percy mutters, running a hand through his unwashed hair. “I can’t deal with any of this.” He leans against the door to his bedroom, trying to calm down. His mom had just gone with Apollo to Camp Half Blood -it was only thanks to her that Percy hadn’t broken Apollo’s entire face. She had sensed his panic from the moment the buzzer rang, and had finally got the god out of the house after only ten minutes of migraine-inducing chit chat, with the good old ‘he has a swim meet’ excuse.

Percy glances at the crumpled paper in his hand, which is sweaty and practically empty, with only three words on the paper. “Zeus got mad.” Percy had tried to take notes, but hell, if his ADHD ever got better, he’d kiss Blackjack. Meaning, it wasn’t going to happen. Percy’s pretty sure he spelled ‘Zeus’ wrong too.

The paper goes in the trash, already overflowing with incompleted homework assignments and letters from people he cared nothing about. They’re all a painful reminder of what could have been, if his mom hadn’t gone and loved a freaking god.

Well, no, Percy wasn’t mad at her. She was the only consistency in Percy’s life.

Well, maybe a little mad.

Percy kicks the trash in frustration. He can’t even decide how he feels about his wonderful mother, who has given him nothing but love - just goes to show how screwed up his life is.

Okay. Calm. Swim practice in a few hours. Or was it math tutoring? Either way, he wasn’t looking forward to it. Math made his head hurt, and in swimming, there was nobody who could understand why he was so jumpy all the time, nobody to complain about all the hazards of demigod life. Somedays, he would love to just take a deep breath and let the water fill his lungs, pulling him down, down down … oh wait, he couldn’t do that. Son of Poseidon, another shitty god.

‘You don’t mean that.’ That’s Tyson in his head, scolding him, but the last person Percy wants to think about right now is his half-brother cyclops.

Percy clenches his fists again, so hard that his palms begin to hurt. He’s going to be fine. Maybe Paul could take him to the movies afterward - something normal. He could get popcorn.

Finally feeling a little better, he pulls off his sweatshirt, relaxing enough for the first time in days to actually take a shower. As the sweatshirt falls, something catches his eye. The wall to his right is covered with photographs. He stares at them, and before he can stop himself, he’s tearing them down and throwing them to the floor. There goes a picture of himself, so much younger, without bags under his eyes from nightmares. There go Piper and Jason, followed closely by Thalia and her Hunter friends. There goes Leo, and Hazel, and Frank. There goes Clarisse, sword fighting with him. There goes Juniper, and one of his favorites - a picture of Grover. Stupid pictures from a stupid life that shouldn’t even be real. He crunches them all with his foot. There’s one picture left, of his girlfriend, Annabeth. Gods, did Percy miss her. He looked at her for a moment, then shoved her harshly under the bed.

As soon as he did that, tears began to well, and before he can stop them, they’re flowing freely. He’s ashamed of what he has become, but he doesn’t want - doesn’t want - fuck. He’s tired, and just wants to sleep. He was no idea what he wants anymore. He crawls into bed, clothes and all, knowing that tomorrow, he will find all the pictures and put them up again, just before ripping them down.

Percy rolls over, thinking about Annabeth, but that just makes his heart hurt. Hell, his whole life hurts.

Instead, he puts on a pair of headphones, and lets himself fall into the music, drowning himself in the only way he can.

**Author's Note:**

> Nina OUT
> 
> Follow me on tumblr? @paulblofish
> 
> Anyway, if you're reading this you look fabulous today and I love you. Take care, everyone!
> 
> As always,
> 
> TTFN!


End file.
